


Tough It Out

by Dio_Pardalis



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Budding Relationship, Comfort, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Sparring, Steve Rogers Is a Good Bro, Tony Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Has Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-05-11
Packaged: 2020-02-29 20:39:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18785782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dio_Pardalis/pseuds/Dio_Pardalis
Summary: Panic attacks suck and Tony is no stranger to them but really that doesn't make them any easier to handle. For once he lets someone else in on them. The choice being obviously Steve because who else would be up to spar in the middle of the night.Warning for a descriptive panic attack.





	Tough It Out

Oh no.... Not again.  
They always came quick. A wicked speed that alone could set you off but then the real thing just blew you out of the water without a chance. Coming while you're awake was one thing but when you had a damn night terror about vanishing into the void of space, your new-found family being killed by your own hand and then your beating, glowing heart slowly being ripped out, this was the time when monster got a head start, your leg was crippled at the starting gate. This was one of those nights, sitting straight up in bed, in a damp spot of his own sweat there were a fraction of seconds in which to realize it was happening. And there was nothing he could do. 

The breathing always came first, your lungs were too small, the altitude too high and no matter how many breaths you took, you never had enough air from one to the next. In seconds that crawled by you demanded oxygen that your mind insisted you couldn't get enough of. That your lungs were drawing tight and any moment they'd either burst or shrivel into obsolescence. They burned like drowning on dry land and squeezed tight in a vice. Then of course came the heartbeat with it. Blood sounds like a torrential flood in your ears and you feel each beat with your whole form, thrumming through the body down to the extremities. For Tony this tended to be the worst part, he'd look down and swear he could see the reactor brighten and fade with each beat, fearing that it would suddenly stop and fade out entirely. Sometimes he was sickeningly mesmerized by watching... Waiting. With a clear mind, he knew that the changes didn't actually happen, that the light wouldn't suddenly go dark, but when it caught his eyes in the darkness he always questioned it. And he couldn't breathe. 

Usually, the shaking came next if he hadn't been the start. Catching the tremors in his hands before the body vibrated from head to toe. Reverberations that spread outward from the bones and couldn't be stopped. Within a few seconds, it felt as if he was physically overcharged. His muscles feeling pulled too tight combined with the shaking was painful. Yet at the same time, his lungs were still locked in a grip. His muscles simultaneously burned and itched, he was trapped in his own skin. Too much energy was flowing through the system yet not enough to keep him going and if he didn't let go of what he did have, it would obviously destroy him. He was scrambling to untangle from the covers as he called to the room in pants. "J, tell Steve to meet me in the gym. In the ring. **Now**."

"Of course, sir."

Clothes didn't matter. The energy didn't give a shit, it just wanted somewhere to go. Immediately. If Tony had been naked he would have made the demand and trip all the same, luck had it that he had raggedy pajama pants on to cover his shame.

Footsteps thudded down the hall as if he was encased in the armor, rapidly pacing the elevator in a shaking mass. He all but sprinted out when the doors opened enough for him to slip through. 'Why the fuck can't I breathe.'

The call was both confusing but expected. Steve knew of the hours Tony tended to keep especially when he was working on weaponry and armor for the team. He also knew that Tony was aware of Steve's not too normal serum based sleeping habits. So the request was easily taken as something new was ready for Steve and it needed to be tested out as soon as humanly possible. Or Tony was just too excited to wait until a more decent hour. Which Steve was more than happy to oblige to. However... Was there the touch of worry in the Ais voice? 

The soldier put down his sketchbook and made his trip down, curious about what Tony had come up with that needed testing there, when he opened the doors to the gym he was confused to find the other man empty-handed, at least psychically.

"Spar. Now. Hurry up." Words pushed through a straw.

All it took was a single once over. Dilated pupils, desperate breathing, agitation, almost madman like fidgeting. This wasn't worked up on a project momentum. Steve instantly understood the urgent need to spar in the middle of the night. He knew vaguely that Tony experienced panic attacks but as far as he knew he either suffered them alone or just hardly had them enough to make any mention of. If Tony needed him to do this to work through it he was going to give it to him. It's not like Steve was planning sleep soon anyway. And he knew the feeling.

He didn't linger on getting gloves and into the ring as the man waiting for him looked like a caged animal looking for something to destroy. The point was driven home when he looked up once he stepped in to see a genius coming at him at full speed. Instinctually bringing both arms up in a block and throwing a counter punch. 

No surprise he was blocked in turn with one arm but the next went down low for the gut and landed. Steve went for another himself with the result that it was evaded and sent Tiny going for another very obvious body blow, however, going by the force of it Tony didn't care, with no attempt to change the move. Steve took a step back and readied himself for the onslaught. This was going to be a match of defense then. Tony needed to move to expel and disperse the energy. Steve could and would take the hits for him. 

The punches came fast and without reason or strategy. Right hook to the head, piston to the solar plexus, uppercut, a jab aimed at his thigh. He had to admit in this state Tony had speed on him, but without any actual work behind them, his style was sloppy. quickly transparent. The rare chances Steve took to actually take his own shots(so he couldn't possibly be pinned for holding back) he could tell that speed didn't always correlate to his reaction time. The goal wasn't simply to block or evade but there had to be an attack with it, if he bothered with the combination at all. If not, a lot landed in some way. One punch Tony pushed his whole body into, his fist grazing and going over the shoulder. In the temporary closeness, Steve could see the frantically raging storm in his eyes. There for a blink before that same arm was around his neck and pulling him to the ground. 

Though Tony had been the one to drag him down, he didn't want wrestling. No locks, no pins, no struggles. Steve went down and Tony jumped right back up to wait for him. 

Occasionally the legs worked too but again for pure offense, never once did he try to sweep. He'd kick to his leg to stop him for a moment for the next punch, a higher kick directly to his side. Keep moving and don't stop, don't hit the ground. 

Steve didn't know nor care how long it had been before he was throwing more punches than Tony who was now actively blocking, his speed wavering. While just working up a light sweat himself, Tony's bare chest was shining with it, but it was pleasing that his panting was from overexertion rather than the panic that had brought them down here. The smooth chocolate of his eyes now fully visible, calmed. It was… it was a sight. Under better starting conditions Steve could have better appreciated the view but for now, he took in that image to hold onto and concentrated on his well being. The end of their sparring unspoken as an immensely relaxed Tony stepped forward to drop his forehead against Steve's chest, the super soldier unconsciously bringing a hand up to gently cup his head and run his thumb over his hair. He was prepared, though hating the idea of having to pull away but feeling the other man weakly slump against him further he assumed that now this touch was okay and loved the opportunity.

They held the stance long enough for Tony to catch his breath and then some, for a moment Steve thinking he had fallen asleep on his feet until he heard a rough 'Thank you' against his chest. "I... I couldn't... Sorry, I just had to.."

gently he cut him off. "You just had to work it out. It happens to need that sometimes. I don't know why you think you should apologize for that..." He held his tongue on it but he was honored that Tony even called him down for this. It showed the trust that Steve still found he questioned if it may or may not have been honestly between them. Slowly Tony stepped away to meet his eyes, his face and chest still a soft pink flush from the workout, his body radiating heat and an overall even keel. Though there was the smallest guilt and shame on his features. "Tony... I learned that it's not just 'shell shock' you bring back from war, I know about PTSD and panic attacks. Even if I wanted to I'm not going to hold over you for asking for help. I'm not in the 40's and I understand this. You can call me any time, it's not like you woke me up or anything." Watching as the words sunk in, enjoying his first name on his tongue for a change he added one more thing. "Did it help? You okay or is there something else you need?" So maybe he wanted to do more. 

It seemed like the genius was trying not to snap right to sarcasm and wit, or that he possibly couldn't just yet. Taking and swallowing the offer he was being handed. Dealing with actually dropping even a bit of this baggage at Steve's feet. It finally resulted in a tired and small, but genuine smile. Patting him on the shoulder he nodded. "I'm... I'm good, cap. Thank you. I'll grab water and a shower. Thanks." Neither mentioned that his hand didn't drop, Steve simply returning the smile with his own and hell of Tony's heart didn't flutter. Losing that always came in the dreams that caused this and for a moment he felt as if just waking up to see it in reality would stop the monster in its tracks. Steve Rogers smile being the best shield. 

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact; this was written at about 3 am(?) after a series of my own panic attacks in a small time frame. Unbeta'd  
> Self-care and knowing what brings you back is important. Take care of yourself.


End file.
